The Return to Hogwarts
by softballplayer363
Summary: Just random parody that makes no sense. Enjoy! :)


Author's Note: Just a random one-shot enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything famous.

Harry, Hermione, Ginny, and Ron have just returned to Hogwarts after the death of Lord Voldermort. They get off the train and head to Hogwarts. While walking, Ron comes to a stop.

"Ron, come on," Hermione says impatiently.

"Do you see that," Ron questions mouth open in awe pointing ahead.

They all stop and look ahead to see three huge statues in front of Hogwarts.

"What is that," Ginny questions uncertainty reaching her voice.

"It's rather dashing… I mean the one on the left." Ron states proudly.

Hermione then gave Ron the really look while he just shrugged. The statue on the left is him.

"What," Ron questions noticing Hermione's look.

Hermione ignored Ron's comment and approached the statue on the right after all it is her.

"Why on Earth are these statues us?" Hermione demanded wanting to know the answer.

"Why don't I get one," Ginny questions her frown reaching her voice.

"You have one," says Harry as he points further back to the left.

"Sweet," Ginny says happiness reaching her voice. Ron gestures for a high five, but Ginny just rolls her eyes as Ron slowly puts his hand down.

"How come everyone always leaves me hanging?"

"Because you're… you. But it's ok we know you can't help it." Hermione sates as if it's a known fact.

Then then walked into Hogwarts with Ron trailing behind clueless as always. People did continue staring at them which they found rather weird.

Breakline….

Ron's POV

We just keep getting stares. I tried to play it cool by trying out my new and improved swag walk I learned from Ginny, but for some reason Ginny started to laugh. Hermione finally told me I looked like an idiot so I stopped.

"Hello Harry," a New Lady Professor said as she approached our group. I noticed Ginny and Hermione giving her glares so I did too.

"Excuse me, but we're here too." Hermione stated her anger clearly reaching her voice.

"Oh yes of course you are."

"It's nice to meet you." Harry stated firmly.

"Yes you too." The Lady Professor said ignoring the rest of us.

Hermione and Ginny stormed off so I followed like a lost dog. We ended up in the Gryffindor Common Room.

Ginny POV

"Hermione, we have to do something," I say quickly.

"Yes, Harry is the only one getting credit. I mean we did 75% of the work."

"I'm confused," Ron says honestly.

"It's ok you always are, but I love you anyway." Hermione says in a caring way.

"Thanks… wait… hey."

"Wait I have a plan," I say an evil smile reaching across my face.

Hermione POV

I take out my wand to call Azkaban.

"Hello, you have reached Azkaban please state your emergency." The operator says.

"Um, yes I have discovered that Harry Potter is really Voldermort." I say as quickly as possible.

"Really…"

"Yes, I know this because I am Hermione Granger, Harry Potter's best friend."

"Well you can't deny that logic. I will send help right away."

"Thank you," I say as she ends the call.

Ron POV

By this point am down right confused. Harry is being dragged off by dementors. I decide to ask Hermione. She tells me it's ok.

"He'll be back, right," Ginny asks.

"Yeah, once they realize he's not Voldermort." Hermione says a little worried.

"Hermione, I have a great idea." I say proudly.

"What," she says turning to face me.

"Well the quiditch team will need a new seeker… so you should try out."

"Yeah," Ginny says totally agreeing.

Breakline….4

At tryouts

"Congrats Hermione, you're the new seeker," Ginny says.

"I'm the only one who showed up."

"Which makes you perfect for the job. Welcome to the team," I say with a smile on my face.

(Next part makes no sense just deal with it)

Snape POV

Yes I am dead, but this grave is to uncomfortable so I thought I should just be alive. Anyway I awoke to find myself in this grave. I mean the nerve of these people I should get at least leg room. I use my wand to remove the dirt above and get out of the grave. When I get out I find myself facing Voldermort.

"How did you get here," I ask.

"If you can come back from the dead I should be able to."

"Fine."

I then get into my dueling stance.

"So that's how it's going to be," He says getting ready to attack. We then charge at each other.

"One, two, three, four, I declare a thumb war," We both say beginning the most brutal thumb war of all time.

"Wait, we both hate Potter, let's call a truce," Voldermort says.

I nod in agreement. We then went to Hogwarts. We found Hermione, Ron, and Ginny but no Potter.

Ginny POV

"Hey Snape wat up dude," I say.

"Oh just chilling, hey where's Harry."

"Azkaban, probably being tortured."

"So, he's not here and he's probably going to die," Voldermort questions.

We nod.

"Oh well, nice to see you enjoy your day." He says as he leaves.

Ron POV

I was looking for Hermione to tell her good luck since today is her first quiditch match, but I got distracted. I ended up in the Chamber of Secrets. I saw Snape so I talked to him.

"Hey Snape."

"Oh, weasel I mean NO I mean weasel. What do you want?"

"Tough crowd. I was looking for Hermione but then I saw this butterfly so I followed it being who I am. Then I saw you and thought hey that's Snape."

"You don't even wonder why I'm down here at all."

"Nope. Free country, bye."

With that I leave and begin my search for Hermione.

Snape POV

That was weird he didn't even care that I was down here. Anyway Voldermort should be here any moment.

"Lord," I say.

"Nice to see you."

We then did our secret hand shake (it was just pounding our knuckles together then saying boom) but it was a special boom. Then we discussed our plan.

Hermione POV

I wasn't nervous at all about the game, but Ron kept saying that I wouldn't have trouble unless I messed up and embarrassed myself in front of the whole school. Ugh why does everyone freak out about sports?

It was time.

"Hey," Ron said as he waved to me during the game. He was then hit in the head.

That had to hurt. I then pulled out my book and began to read.

"Heads up, Hermione," Ginny shouted. I caught the ball with ease and threw it to her. She said thanks and I nodded. I looked up and saw the gold thing I was supposed to catch. I grabbed it and the game was over. We won. Everyone started to celebrate.

"That's my girl," Ron chanted," I taught her everything she knows."

"Sure that's why I taught you how to read."

"Hey."

Ginny POV 

"Have you realized that Snape's been acting weird," I question.

"Yeah," Hermione says.

"Check it out I can sound just like Snape," Ron said.

"Ok let's hear it," I say.

"Fine," Ron says

"Fine."

"Hey you're goo…" Ron says as he turns around to face Snape.

"I would give you detention, but I need to get swag lessons from Ginny."

I smile as he walks away.

"I think it's time we get Harry out," Hermione says.

I nod while Ron… need I saw more.

Hermione POV

"Hello, yes I'm looking for Harry Potter… Yeah he's innocent the real Voldermort is here so if you would be so kind to let him out so we can use him as bait that would be greatly appreciated… thanks bye."

3 days later

"Harry did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes."

"Which was?"

"?"

"Never take credit for doing all the work when we did more then half of it."

"Oh."

Snape POV

"Sir the boy is here." I state.

"Yes I will kill him."

Hermione POV

We just tied up Harry for bait and then we saw Voldermort coming.

"STOP," I shout.

"Yes Hermione I will."

I attack him.

"One, two, three, four I declare a thumb war." We shout together.

About 5 minutes later.

"Voldermort."

"Yeah."

"What happened to your nose?"

"WHAT," he shouts.

I then took out my wand and shot him.

"Forgot you don't have," I say laughing.

Dumbledore then came out of nowhere and killed Voldermort and Harry. He then states that was fun.

"Hermione, I heard Voldermort are…" Ginny says being cut off by seeing Dumbledore.

"WHAT!"

"Bye I better go I have to go wash my swagger wagon." He states then vanishes.

The End

End Note: Well how about that. I know so OOC. Just for fun please don't take offense.


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